“I really want to find some mentors but all the people that I would ask are so busy," said a college age friend of mine the other day. We began our brainstorming with these questions: What is this person busy with? How can I do life with her instead of asking her to stop life for me?
Our brainstorming led to more questions and ideas. Is this lady involved at her church? Can you join her by helping her set up for things, go to a Bible study with her, or whatever it might be? Is this a mom of teenagers? Ask if you can ride around for the afternoon with her because this is a large part of what moms of teenagers do—drive folks around. Is this a woman with a full-time job? Offer to bring her lunch and grab a few minutes with her then. Is this a mom of littles? Instead of asking her to meet you for coffee, which would require child care, ask to meet at a park and bring coffee with you. Or offer to come help get lunch ready with her one day. It’s amazing how many great conversations happen over smearing peanut butter. Figure out a way to involve yourself in life together.
This conversation has inspired me to think creatively about ways to invite others, especially young women, into my life. It also has me thinking that mentoring is not just one thing or one way. It can happen in several different ways.
Mentoring is a posture towards life—one of always being ready to learn and always being willing to invest.
In his book The Fabric of Faithfulness, Steven Garber says that a mentor is someone who embodies a consistent life where belief and action match. There are several different mentoring modes: the formal, the accidental relational, and the mentoring moments.
The Formal - There are seasons in life where the stars align and you might be able to spend one-on-one, intentional time with someone in a formalized sort of mentor relationship. When I met Barbara Masoner, a seasoned mentor, she naturally had this posture of willingness to invest in others. Before agreeing to mentor me, she asked me to think through what I would like to get out of this relationship. This question lays expectations on the table so the two people can evaluate if this is a good fit. Week by week, God used her in my life to guide me towards Him. She modeled for me what faith looks like as it grows and what love of God looks like as it deepens.
The Accidental Relational Mentor - I’ve had many friends who have made it on my mental list of folks who I consider to be mentors. These are the sort of friends whom I learn from by watching them love the people around them, pursue God, and invest in others. I don’t ask these friends to mentor me because 1). They already are without knowing and 2.) I don’t want to scare them off.
“Sarah, do you want to go to the house and grab lunch with me?” This was a question that started a friendship that would dramatically shape my high school years. Suzanne was my leader at VBS the summer after a difficult 6th grade year for me and the end of her senior year. Windows down, sticky Mississippi summer blowing our hair, Suzanne took the backroads with one hand on the wheel and the other applying lipstick without a glance in the mirror. She was cool. Being true Southern girls, our best conversations happened over tall glasses of sweet tea. Who knows how many gallons we made it through? And the amount of sugar... She was saying the same things my parents were saying, but she was so cute, bubbly, and young. Suzanne became an accidental mentor for me and impacted my life greatly.
Mentoring Moments - These are the moments when finding yourself in the middle of conversation, you realize God is using this person to teach you more about what it looks like to walk with Him daily. The Strong Women podcast has been two years of rich mentoring moments for me. I find myself referring to something a guest has taught me or wise counsel they have given in almost all of my everyday conversations. “Ash Marsh describes hospitality as ‘I thought of you before you got here'”or “Cynthia Heald has a prayer that she comes back to often—‘If it pleases You, Lord, that I walk through this, then it pleases me” or “Naomi, who is 83, said that she loves getting older because you can look back and see God’s hand so much more clearly." Beautiful, tangible truths have found deeper roots in my heart throughout these moments with these fierce and gracious women.
Share what God is doing in your life. Look to learn from those around you. This is the mentoring posture.
Love,
Sarah, for the Strong Women Team
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